12:00AM

It's times likes these that I think I do my best contemplative thinking. The late nights after 12am are when it goes down for me. I take "night owl" I think to a whole new level sometimes when I just can't stop thinking and sleep dose not come till 6 in the morning. Why is it that I take my thoughts way to far though sometimes? After midnight I can't help but relay my day though my head over and over again. I think it's a bad habit. My friends, family, school, drama, and stupid problems occupy my thoughts at night on the regular and it gets to be really annoying sometimes especially when I know I'm tired and need sleep. I wish there was an on and off switch on my brain like there is on my iPod. I'd just put myself on the charger and recharge the ol' batteries. Too bad it's not that easy. I am thankful for my weekends though when I can stay up and not have to get up ridiculously early. I can think about my future on nights like those. I can figure out what I'm going to do the next week. I can fix one of the problems I'm having. Or I can just chill in bed and listen to chill music while I contemplate my life. I spend those nights being deep, thoughtfully, with myself. I get my best ideas at times like 12AM. My next good idea though is probably getting some sleep and stopping myself from ranting much longer on this blog. So the switch for me (figuratively of course) is now going off, Till tomorrow...

Can We Ever Really Forgive, Forget, and Move On???

At this point I feel like the answer to that question is no but I really hope we can. In our lives we are all bound to make mistakes, that's just life. But the size and magnitude of those mistakes are what differ between person to person. I'm pretty sure my mistakes aren't up there with the crazy murdering psycho people but mine are more extreme then the occasional white liar. Every single one of us have our moments and for me it's been quite a few. The biggest thing that comes away from our mistakes we make is disappointment. We become disappointed in ourselves and those around us especially, the ones who love us or are close to us, begin to be also. It's at this point where we lose trust, friendships, respect, and even our reputations. Can we ever get them back? Sure we can't change the way things were or go back in time but can we rebuild or regain the things we lost. Things will never be the same again but they can be better can't they? I really hope and believe they do. I made some mistakes of my own that lost me an important friendship, relationship, trust from my parents, and the respect and view people had for me. I had changed and not for the better. When all was lost or in my case, "gone completely down the crapper", what could I do? I had hit in some peoples eyes rock bottom and the only place to go from there was up. It takes a humbling experience to realize that you were wrong, you'd made a mistake, you've disappointed people and yourself, and that you need to change. So I changed and am still changing. That was the only thing I could do. I had to dig myself out of the hole I had gotten myself into. So I had to decide which direction I wanted to go with my life. I had to figure what I needed to do to get myself to a better place. I made goals. I changed the things I did, habits I had made, the people I included in my life, and finally my outlook on life, people, and myself. I come across and have come across to many as being on a high horse and it wasn't until I got bucked off and received my reality check that I knew I couldn't be the person to judge anything or anyone anymore because it wasn't my place. I was certainly not perfect. And you get a new perspective when you're the one who's being judged or held accountable. It's a sucky feeling when you go against things you've been adamant on your whole life with yourself and others and you get into a "pot calling the kettle black" situation. It's not fun believe me. But there's one thing that I think goes hand in hand with change and that's repentance. It's making amends with yourself, God, and those you've hurt in the process. Its saying And making sure that it doesn't happen again. It's restitution. It's resolution. It's change. The change though for the most part is the easiest though. It's being forgiven by others and yourself that ultimately take the most time. Sometimes you're too far gone with some people and sometimes you get another chance but why can't things go back to the way they were? If you're trying, if I'm trying, so hard at changing and moving on and learning from the mistakes that have been made why can't your respect, trust, and attitude go back to the way they were or even be better? It's up to you. You and I can only go so far. It's up to the other person to meet you half way. I think I've forgiven, forgotten, and moved on. Have you? Can you? .............

FAKE

Why is it that when most people have a problem with you or with something you do they don't have the balls to tell you to your face. Today's events made me face this problem. I just don't understand why people can't be real with you. Lying and misleading them just makes them fell either worse or just plain angry like I was. I would rather you tell me to my face them lie to me to try and "spare" my feelings. The worst one of these "Fake offenses" is when they send someone a text or gives them a whisper to do their dirty work for them. Really? Are we really that childish? I didn't realize us Seniors were in the wrong grade level; at least maturity wise. For future reference if you've got a problem, say it to my face. Believe me you won't hurt my feelings.

Redicilous Navigation

Tell me why these blog sites are so hard to navigate. I try to do one thing and it leads me to another. I try and search for one thing and it decides to be retarded and not find it. If I was a software company I would make "simple blogs" actually simple. Maybe it's me or just being on my iPod but technology is so advanced you'd think it'd be a lot simpler by now.

So I just started up this blog and I'm not sure what exactly I going to wtite on here. I like to remember things I do, the people I meet, and the things I see so that's probably what this blog is going to be about. Its about me but to everyone else it's, much to do about nothing.